What Could've Been
by Slytherin Redeemed
Summary: [COMPLETE][TatsumixTsuzuki] When the most precious thing of your life escapes through your fingers like a sigh escapes your lips, what are you supposed to do?


**What Could've Been**

_By The Rose of the Abyssinian_

_For LadyKisaesilexis823 _

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If I could, I would've cried that instant.

But if I did, my tears wouldn't have been of frustration at Kurosaki, or rage at you, but they would've been tears of fear, for _you_. I had been extremely worried, yet nonetheless I kept my faith, my hopes up. At least, I tried to; I would've run away if Watari and Kurosaki weren't there. I had been _that _afraid, _that _worried. And all of that, for _you_. I would never be man enough to admit it in front of your face, but it's actually the best I can do to admit it to myself first. I am quite the coward, aren't I, being able to admit it to myself, but not to you. I feel, all in all, pathetic.

If I could, I would've actually _thought _everything out.

But there were so many things that could've been, if Kurosaki hadn't shown, proclaimed his affection for you, right? The boy is full of strength, I must admit, to go into Touda's flames, just to risk his life, so to speak, for you. I'm quite the jealous man; Kurosaki has his own courage, one trait I'll never obtain. There were _so _many things that could've been, as well, if you _hadn't _done such an idiotic thing, trying to end your life in such a ridiculous way. And there were also so many things that _could've_ been, if Watari hadn't helped me make up my mind as to whether I should or shouldn't save you and Kurosaki from that horrendous fire. I'm such the idiot I even need _Watari _to make these decisions for me.

If I didn't, you and Kurosaki would have died…

…and _I _would have lost _you_. But then, Tsuzuki…_I _could never lose _you_. You and I didn't belong to each other in the first place. Isn't that correct? I worried myself over selfish nothings that I _knew _could _never _be fulfilled, since we would never be together, but I _wanted _you, _so _bad, and that was the only reason I _did _call up on my shadows to save you and Kurosaki. If it were depending on me, however, I _wouldn't _have saved _Kurosaki_. _I _would have left _him _in the flames of Touda to _die_; but _you _wouldn't be happy, and I can't _ever _bring myself to look upon your teary face evermore.

If I didn't, _you _would have died…

…and _everyone _would _kill me_, would _blame me_ for everything. So all in all, I merely did it to save myself. That, in itself, is selfishness in motion, but if I'd ever confess that to you, I'd rather die a thousand times over than to have you hate me. I'd sew my mouth shut if I had to, but that wouldn't do well, either; the boy is a master of empathy, he would see right through everything.

How I hate this life of mine.

If you didn't, then I _couldn't _have done what I did.

If you _did_, then I would've done whatever I could to end my own so-called empty-shelled life.

If I didn't, everything would've crumbled.

If I _did_, everything would've been balanced—as they are now.

If you and I both did _and _didn't, _everything _would be thrown into the strange games we play around each other.

There are so many things that could've been, if everything else had turned out their oppositions.

But it was as if you were the most precious thing of my life that escapes through my grasp, just as a sigh escapes one's mouth; I never understood the way 'Fate' and 'Destiny' work, and I never think I will, understand that.

Now do you understand what _could've_ been if we didn't do the things we did, however crazy they might seem? I was never one to dwell much on 'Fate' and 'Destiny,' but I might become one soon if these things keep revolving around us and everyone around us. It's almost unbearable.

Now do you understand what _could've_ been…if I never loved you, Tsuzuki?

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**- What Could've Been/_END_ -**

_This was a little awkward piece for me, since I never really concentrate on a character's certain feelings at one thing, as if s/he is obsessed with it, but LadyKisaesilexis823 forced me to look within my writing experiences, and requested (more like challenged) me to write this. I'm pretty thankful that she did, too._


End file.
